In a rare interview today, ruler the universe, God, declared that he doesn't believe in the existence of Nick Clegg.
The reclusive deity later clarified that while he had personally seen no evidence of Clegg or his works, he had a great respect for those for whom the belief in the existence of Clegg, or any of the latterday Liberal Democrats, gives great comfort. "However", he added "For me, it's basically a story put about to help people think that things will one day get better."
The Liberal Democrat religion originally developed out of the older Liberal faith when some of its followers started their own order after their prophet David Steel sacrificed himself at the polls.
The omnipotent creator of man and head of the Roman Catholic Church was taken by surprise with the question during an interview about whether we should have tighter controls and more rigorous entry criteria to Heaven - God had earlier taken part in a debate with counterpart Satan over whether mankind should be in or out of Eden.
Professor Richard Dawkins, author of a series of books scrutinising belief in Liberal Democrats, said he was "unsurprised" The Lord found it hard to imagine there was such a thing, and argued that "most evil which occurs in the world happens in the name of middle ground politics."
Dawkins added: "As we get older, it's tempting to buy into the delusion that there's a middle-of-the-road out there, but in the end we just have to face up to the fact that one day we will all be Tory".