Crestfallen Nick Clegg has been advised by his publicists to adopt a more ‘ruthless approach’ in all future live debates, by resorting to ‘mum jokes’ when backed into a corner by his opponent. Clegg, whose recent debate with UKIP’s Nigel Farage on Britain and the EU, televised live on BBC Two, resulted in UKIP storming home with a massive 68% of votes in a snap YouGov survey.
‘He was way out of his depth’, admitted one Lib Dem spokesperson today, likening Clegg’s performance to one of those early auditions on the X-Factor. ‘Farage engaged the audience in a, ‘hi, I’m Nigel from down the pub’, kind of way. We totally could have done that, but I don’t think Nick’s ever even been to a pub, plus he’s pathetically allergic to barley. You see our issue; mum jokes are all that’s left’.
Nick Clegg’s personal publicist said: ‘I’ve been dissecting the footage of the debate with Nick and have offered him some tips on what he ‘could have said’. Like, when Nigel passionately explained his party's belief that the UK had effectively handed over control of itself to a failing club that charges a hefty membership fee, Nick needed to respond with something cutting and witty'.
‘Instead of mumbling through a long and over-rehearsed speech, he could have just countered with; ‘Yeah, but your mum’s so dumb, when your dad said it was chilly, she ran outside with a spoon’. Admittedly this does go off-topic somewhat, and it is the equivalent of pulling someone’s hair in a fistfight, but I reckon it would have completely derailed Nigel’s train of thought’.
Sources close to the Deputy PM have also hinted that he may even adopt a ‘Chris Rock persona’ in his next debate, by delivering his very best mum jokes in a Brooklyn accent whilst awkwardly clutching his genitals.