Thomas Narwhal, a relationship counsellor from Devon, today admitted that relationships really don't have much going for them. "It's not something we generally like to say, y'know?" he said. "Our jobs depend on people hoping that relationships can be really great. So mostly we keep our mouths shut. There's a reason your relationship counsellor prefers to let you talk. But the fact is, the more relationships I've seen, the more I've realised they are all a bit shit."
He went on to explain that while his job depends on getting people to hope for something better in their relationships, they won't get better and the hope is an illusion because pretty much everyone in the world is selfish, self-obsessed and crap at communicating.
When asked why he had chosen to break the silence of relationship counsellors worldwide and tell the truth he said, "I just got tired of pretending. Tired of lying to my clients day in day out. 'Yes, your relationship can improve if you work at it. Yes you can learn to understand each other. Yes, you work out what the other wants. Yes, you can be honest with each other.' No. No, you can't. It won't work. It never works. People who look like they are in good relationships are just better at pretending than everyone else. My job is based on a lie - don't fall for it any more. Accept that your relationship is always going to be a bit rubbish. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Everyone else's is too. Take up a hobby or something. There's no point in dwelling on it. And for god's sake stop coming to people like me."