With a little over a year until the next election Nick Clegg has set-out an ambitious programme to engage with voters and find out what they would most like him to lie about for the period 2015 to 2020.
‘Our party needs a selection of great whoppers ready to woo the voters. I’m not sure we can ever match the combination of tuition fees, millionaire tax cuts and the increase in VAT, but we’ll have a damn good try’ said an ebullient Clegg as he sensed another five year term as deputy prime minister.
‘I’ve already invented one about the reversing the bedroom tax so that people can move back into homes much bigger than they need. And I can always tell them that their families are too small, so hard luck’ said Clegg as he scratched his nose vigorously ‘And the mansion tax is pretty much unworkable so I feel sure we can use that one again.’
The Liberal Democrat pledge to end the use of special advisors may also be in the spotlight ‘But fortunately since we lied about that as well then we can still use them – I’ve lined up Bill Clinton, Rebekah Brooks and Jeffrey Archer to help me hoodwink the nation in the most efficient way possible.’
‘And don’t forget House of Lords reform – If we lose at the next election I pledge that I'll make this my number one priority. And as with all things in politics it’s best done from the inside.’