Despite promises to ‘pull out’ at the right moment, NATO observers have concluded that the Russian President has no intention of ‘interrupting’ his military coitus. Having entered the Ukraine ‘without protection’, he appears to have reneged on his promise to ‘keep his hands to himself, focus on ‘fondling the Urals’ and stay at ‘first (army) base’.
As recent photographs prove, Putin prefers a ‘bareback’ style and does not enjoy the sensation of the barrier method offered by a UN resolution. In fact the international community has been unsuccessful in finding any surgeon capable of sterilizing Mr. Putin's ‘humongous balls’. He is long time proponent of the rhythm method, relying on tantric delaying actions such as ‘wrestling’ a bear, thinking of his ‘favourite’ Spartak Moscow player or ‘squeezing his own nukes’.
Since Russia's penetration of the Crimea last month, Mr. Putin has been caught whispering ‘I love you’ to a range of young, naive Eastern European countries. Meantime, the Ukraine’s interim Government has been critical of the ‘rough way’ they had been taken, with no lubrication in the form democratic elections, economic incentives or KY jelly. A Moscow spokesman confirmed: ‘It is more natural this way. We wish the people of Russia and Crimea to cum together and not spoil the moment. And ultimately, protection is the Ukraine’s responsibility’.