I [Insert name here], wish to inform the members of this site that I shall no longer be gracing you with my submissions because they are clearly [not being appreciated/consistently in a format that doesn’t fit the site/shit (delete as appropriate)].
I have submitted [several/loads/fucking hundreds (delete as appropriate)] of [terrible/awful/not actually all that bad, with some potential in there if they were completely rewritten (delete as appropriate)] efforts in the [months/weeks/12 and a half minutes (delete as appropriate)] since I registered, with only [a handful/none/more than I actually deserve, because the editor of the day seems to have just picked something by spinning around and pointing at the screen with their eyes closed (delete as appropriate)] used on the main site.
For this reason I will now be writing exclusively for an audience that will appreciate me, [myself/my collection of teddy bears/my cat, who I will menace with a knife until it makes appreciative noises which I will take as confirmation of my genius (delete as appropriate)].
Newcomers are clearly not welcome on this site as you all offered little or no encouragement, probably because you are [jealous of my talents/afraid of outsiders/a bunch of bastards (delete as appropriate)].
I won’t be coming back, no matter how much you beg me, and you’ll be sorry when I have my own TV show and you’ll all see how wrong you were, you [utter shower of tossers/utter shower of tossers/utter shower of tossers (delete as appropriate)].
Sincerely [Insert name here].