The main Westminster political parties have confirmed their shared commitment to opposing a 'mustelid union' with an independent Scotland.
Leader of the 'Badger Together' campaign, Old What's-his-face-with-the-eyebrows, said today that, should the outcome of the referendum go against the 'No' campaign, Scotland would be made to gather and hand back weasels, stoats and badgers to the remaining UK countries.
He said: "I simply couldn't countenance seeing some of our nation's most beloved mammals being forced to live in an independent Scotland, and I am quite sure that all patriotic Britons feel the same way. It just makes me furious to think of them, scampering about in their forest homes, oppressed by the divergent, pestilent thieves left in power in a Scotland devoid of the glory of life under our flag."
A report issued by the OECD suggested that Scotland would be unable to provide sufficient forage for badgers without support from English, Welsh and Northern Irish ecosystems.
Nicola Sturgeon dismissed this report as 'bilge' and asserted Scotland's claim to the 'Prince of Mustelids', the pine marten. "We believe that there is no reason why an independent Scotland cannot share mustelids with the UK, and indeed much of Europe. But the pine marten is definitely ours and if a mustlid union isn't possible, we'll want back the seven we allowed north of the border."
Some observers have suggested that the EU will prevent division of UK mustelids, as this raises the issue of Scandivian countries' claims on the European populations of least weasels.