'We've tried to be diplomatic over the years,' said the president of the IPCC, 'but enough is enough. We've said over and again that climate change is man-made and today we're going to name and shame,' he said, holding up a photograph of Lawrence Hardy of Ealing. 'This man doesn't own a cardi or a pullover, never thinks twice about putting the thermostat up and wears shorts all day long,' he said. Mr Hardy greeted reporters through his front door. 'I'd come out and speak with you normally,' he said through the letterbox, 'but I've just had my gas bill from British Gas and it has frightened me shitless,' he said. 'So I'm waiting for some clothes to be delivered by ASDA home delivery and I'm going to wrap up.'
The IPCC is an independent commission to investigate climate change. It was suggested that now Mr Hardy was going to change his habits that their work was done. The IPCC have denied that they can all go back to doing real jobs and pointed to the real risk of global cooling. 'This climate shit, it's really more complicated than it looks,' said the president, buttoning up his coat.