After the successful legalisation of gay marriage, which hasn’t resulted in any smiting, earthquakes or unusual cosmological signs, the Government is considering legalising the consumption of shellfish.
“Leviticus is pretty clear on shellfish – they’re an abomination”, said David Cameron yesterday. “But Leviticus says precisely the same about a man putting his . . . . thing . . . into another man’s bottom. We want to give hardworking families the choice to put their man sausages wherever they please, and also the freedom to spend their hard-earned money on oysters, clams, shrimps, whatever takes their fancy.
“I’d like to take this even further, and legalise the planting of two different crops in one field. Let’s face it, if bumming isn’t going to cause divine retribution, a little creative agriculture should be okay”.