Turkish workers are working harder and producing more than at any time in the last five years following President Recep Erdogan's suppression of social media.
Since the ban came into force, the country's Economy ministry has reported a spike in output, an increase in administrative efficiency and a 40% drop in the average length of toilet breaks.
A government source said "Although the ban has been dressed up as a political move, it was really designed to halt the catastrophic drop in all workforce indicators brought on by the onset of the digital age.
Turks used to be amongst the most productive workers in the world, but now we generate more cat memes per capita than any other G20 country - this must be tackled.
He continued "God-willing next we move to ban your Daily Mail sidebar of shame."