An industry spokesman confessed, “All the others are just made up to sell paint.”
They added, “What are Raspberry Bellini, Teal Tension and Pale Citrus anyway, they mean nothing. It’s just red, blue and yellow. We started making them up as a joke one lunchtime, just like thinking up titles for porn films, and somehow it caught on”.
“We can’t believe people still buy into all this bullsh*t… That’s just plain, simple brown by the way.”
“When you think about it, what colour is a mushroom? There are so many different varieties, and do we mean raw or cooked?.
"Siena is a town in Italy, it’s that simple! We discovered we could make even more money by placing random words in front of it hence Raw, Dark and Burnt. It’s a piece of cake!”
“Then we found out we could just make up words like Beige, Buff and Taupe. The sky blue pink’s the limit!”.
“What, you may ask, about those mix your own colour machines in D.I.Y. stores? The answer is simple. The vibrating tubs have a hypnotic effect similar to Derren Brown (or should that be Derren Chocolate Fondant), the rest is just a mixture of ‘magic, suggestion, psychology, misdirection and showmanship’. Or ‘Aspen Silver, Oriental Ginger, Bamboo Leaf and English Fire".
“Of course women are the worst offenders. Men realise there are only seven colours because that’s all their brains can handle, just like an old ZX81. The problem is they are too frightened to say anything. There’s a real ‘Emperor’s New Clothes’ thing going on and we’re making a packet out of it.”