A shocking new study carried out by the General Medical Council in association with the Environment Agency has concluded that Britain now contains so many clinically obese people that the country is starting to sink into the sea. It had been thought that recent flooding and coastal erosion was the result of global warming and rising tides but latest research appears to show that the country is straining under the sheer weight of its increasingly overweight population.
Scientists working on the study have dubbed the phenomenon 'the Pickles effect' after the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government and go-to comedy fat man Eric Pickles. 'Its a very worrying trend' said co-author of the study Professor Tom Chalmers 'the Pickles Effect means that if levels of obesity continue to rise then according to our projections large swathes of the country could be submerged by 2025.' The evidence in the study shows that the UK is 'bottom heavy' due to population density and that the south-east is effectively tipping into the sea. ' If we don't stop stuffing our faces then in 10 years or so large tracts of land in the south will be underwater' continues Professor Chalmers ' so if you don't care for London or East Anglia then keep shovelling in the Big Macs and get your trunks on'.
The study predicts a population drift away from dense low-lying parts to higher less populated areas of the country like the Scottish Highlands. We asked SNP MSP Angus McPherson if Scotland would welcome such an influx from the south of the UK 'we would need to study the data closely but its fair to say that our initial reaction is to piss ourselves laughing, sure the English can come to live up here but post independence we anticipate a strict 'no fat munters' policy, we've got enough of our own thanks'