The British Society of Mediums and Psychics are campaigning for people ‘on the other side’ to stop pissing about and say what they mean.
“We keep getting crap like ‘it’s a message for Sid; the colour red is significant’. What’s up with these people? Did death rob them of the power to communicate? Honestly, I think they’re just yanking our chains. They’re all wetting themselves laughing in Heaven or wherever it is, at the muggles back on earth having to decipher their silly messages.
“I had one from a deceased crossword compiler once. That was bonkers – it was all anagrams and clues. Took me hours to work out what he was saying, which turned out to be ‘Nice try, sucker, better luck next time’.
“They think they’re untouchable because they’re already dead. You know what? I’m glad they’re dead. Probably died because they couldn’t direct the ambulance quickly enough : ‘Hello? I’m in a house or flat, my town begins with the letter T. Come quickly’
British psychics are planning a series of one-day strikes, although a skeleton crew will be available to cover emergencies like that Patrick Swayze film where Demi Moore was about to get murdered, and information on the location of stopcocks.
“Even then they prat about! I spent last Thursday up to my ankles in water shouting cryptic clues to a grieving widow; all she wanted to do was turn the bloody water off. If it was possible to kill somebody twice, I’d do it”.
A spokesman for the British Union of Ghosts, Ghouls and Ex-Relatives (B.U.G.G.E.R.) defended his members, saying “There is a great sadness in your life. The number 7 and a golf ball will bring happiness, but also some conflict. Debbie says she remembers Clacton with great fondness”.
Hat tip to Titus