Ahmed Samir, convener of the Executioners Union (Cairo branch) has expressed concern over the dramatic increase in workload arising from the Muslim Brotherhood trials currently under way.
"We're way below strength at the moment " he conceded, "Big Walid on the long-term sick after throwing his back out garotting some politicos, Little Walid is on secondment to North Korea - boy, is he learning a thing or two - Amr on paternity leave - well, he left fleeing a paternity case - that only leaves me, Saad and Khaled, and Saad's not really much help with his cackhandedness and aversion to blood"
"At full strength we would struggle to complete the current 528 death sentences without a significant drop in quality, which would affect my bonus : and that's not even taking into account the 682 anticipated next week."
"We might even have to get Crazy Abu back, although we all thought he had overstepped the line with that red-hot poker, piano wire and starving rat trick. Failing that, we would have to bus in some of the guys from Aswan, but they're right butchers"
Ahmed hinted that they are having to do some serious thinking-outside-the-box in terms of disposal methods.
"I was thinking along the lines of machine-guns, hand grenades, land mines and the like, but Khaled suggested we could contact Malaysian Airlines and see if they have two more jets and a couple of suicidal pilots. That Khaled - one sick puppy"