Popular cockney music combo Brahms and Liszt, best known for their 80's chart- topper "Getting elephants down the rubber", have announced that they are going their separate ways. Bearded pianist Johnnie Brahms issued a press release tactfully referring to "differences of musical opinion" with long-time musical partner, bass player Frankie Liszt, "resulting from alcohol-induced amnesia".
In reply, Liszt held an impromptu press conference at the Cat and Fiddle, East Ham, in which he denounced Brahms as a 'total piss-head nutter.' He then went on to outline the incident that brought about the rift. 'We was doin' this pub gig down Balham way, an' all was going fine till we got to the 7th number and the eighth pint. We got halfway through our 1989 hit "Tellin' porkies", when all of a sudden Johnnie goes mental and starts playing his second concerto in B flat major. So I retaliates by goin' into one of me symphonic poems "Von der Wiege bis zum Grabe". After that, it all kicked off good and proper.'
A full-scale fight had erupted at this point, and the police had been called. PC Strauss later stated: 'I was called to the establishment for the purveyance of alcoholic beverages pursuant to a breach of the peace. It was clear to me that both musical gentlemen had imbibed excessively. Mr Brahms was shouting something about Mr Liszt having stolen the melody of "Ich möchte hingehn" from a Mr Wagner, and Mr Liszt was beating the other gentleman around his head with a guitar. I asked them to accompany me to the station, and Mr Brahms asked what time was the train, while Mr Liszt asked what key would I be singing in.'
Both men have been remanded on bail and will appear at the Magistrates Court next month. Their record company have cashed in on the unexpected publicity by rushing out a greatest hits compilation album: "Brahms and Liszt - Dog and boned down the battle cruiser".