The Headteacher of the human race has urged those who may have lost something to check with the lost property office before it all gets put on e-Bay at the end of term. Mr Tate, widely known as ‘Spud’ but not to his face, said that many items remain unclaimed, although earlier in the week a Scottish man had been reunited with a dressing room he thought he’d lost.
Mr Tate added that proof of ownership will be required before anything can be returned, along with an explanation as to why it didn’t have a name tag. 'Please, please, please put your name on your things,' he implored during assembly. 'For example, it is very difficult for us to sort out which principles belonged to which MPs.'
In addition to the airliner and the dismembered member, amongst the unusual items that have been handed in is a piece of land in South Africa. 'We’ve had it for over a year now,' explained Tate, 'But we are stumped as to who over there may have lost the plot.'