It emerged today that the US had annexed Britain in 1945. In revelations to the UN Security Council, the Russian ambassador to the UN, Ivan Territory, spoke after a motion condemning Russia’s actions in Crimea, stating that his country would no longer keep silent.
“You never suspected? Korea and Vietnam were clues, but the Osmonds, Coca-Cola, Cruise missiles and all those films where the British are evil? Puh-lease!”
Roosevelt took advantage of Winston Churchill’s tired and emotional state on the final day of the Yalta Conference in 1945.
Roosevelt had slipped a paper into Churchill’s file for signing which allowed the US to have military bases throughout the UK as well as granting American banks the exclusive rights to the City of London, and all former imperial possessions, apart from Australia which the Americans thought was part of Germany, as the Sound of Music hadn’t been written yet.
Stalin had played along by distracting Churchill with the iron curtains at his Yalta dacha, which were powered by a small Tartar running in a wheel. Churchill had thought of installing one in Chequers, Territory revealed.
The US ambassador to the UN went bright red and issued the statement clearly aimed at the Russian delegation that, despite many Russian speakers in London, the US would “defend its borders”.
There was no reaction from the British who all stared at the floor while the Ambassador texted Tony Blair.
The French spokesperson announced a party “All are welcome, free drinks” she said smiling, and skipping a little.