News that the list of 21 prominent Russians and Ukrainians to have their Western assets frozen in reponse to Russia's blatant seizure of Crimea does not include Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich have been greeted with incredulity by some of the 60 million or so Britons who fucking hate Chelsea.
'It doesn't sound logical, given that Abramovich made his billions by political connections and has always been a firm Russian nationalist,' said Matt Pearse, 32, from East London. 'Plus I'd just piss myself to see them going back to playing Burnley in front of crowds of 10,000 and recalculating the league positions to cut out goals scored by black players, which they suddenly stopped doing after signing Drogba.'
Chelsea's players said that, if implemented thoroughly, such a move might have surprising results. Eden Hazard said: 'I'd probably play even better if they froze John Terry's assets and I didn't have to keep checking where my wife is whenever he's off training.'