Fewer people are making leisure trips to Scandinavia, for fear of being hideously murdered or being overcome with the desire to kill another. "The risk of being gratuitously slaughtered or coming across the shockingly mutilated and partially decomposed body of an innocent partially clad young woman who dies under mysterious circumstances is hitting us hard," said Fenmark's tourism supremo Mike Smot at a press conference promoting 'Murder Free' holidays "That sort of thing can really ruin a vacation and the insurance people simply refuse to provide extra cover for it."
Denmark's 'pork, pastries and pornography' image has been badly damaged by its new TV crime wave. Research commissioned by Scandinavian Travel show that many fear a tiny, Sandi Toksvig like character in a red hooded coat running amok with a Danish carving set aboard a ferry between Malmo and Trondheim. One focus group member in London has mysteriously disappeared after allegedly murdering another focus group member during a session arguing about whether Norwayhas crossed out 0s. Meanwhile BBC 1's Holiday Show would neither confirm nor deny suspicions of foul play after the disappearance of Angela Rippon while filming near Rekjavik, although DNA swabs have been taken from Ben Fogle and even Kenneth Branagh.
Tourists have taken to Trip Advisor to report that although they have always wanted to murder their children and spouses on holidays in Italy or Spain, the urges have got more extreme on Scandinavian trips. "On our second day in Oslo, I went as far as buying a firearm, but I managed to evade total disaster. It's extraordinary how four year olds recover so fast from serious gunshot wounds,' posted one mother on the travel site.
Another post continued: "Being on the run in rural Sweden isn't so bad, despite being chased by bearded, thoughtful looking detectives with chaotic personal lives and battered classic Saabs. Look out for sub arctic bed and breakfasts who do special rates for fugitive alleged killers who are struggling to maintain their innocence. Many feature red herrings as a lunchtime special and a plot device rolled into one."