Reverend Fred Phelps Sr, the hugely controversial founder of the Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas, died on Wednesday evening at the age of 84, leading his family to conclude that he must have been a 'raging homosexual who probably listened to the Pet Shop Boys'.
Despite never being affiliated with any mainstream denomination, the small but loud congregation has regularly triggered worldwide outrage for picketing the funerals of fallen troops, and for openly stating their beliefs that death is a punishment from God for acts of homosexuality.
The family, who were first brought to the UK's attention by popular and quirky journalist Louis Theroux, made the announcement of their leader's passing this morning, and are already choreographing a creative dance to celebrate his death at the planned funeral picket.
'He was obviously doing something disgusting, the dirty old sod', said eldest daughter Shirley Phelps today. 'I wonder how many other members of the family are about to come out of the closet and drop stone dead. It certainly won't be me; I'm so straight I'm basically immortal'.
When quizzed on her thoughts on the UK's recent decision to legalise gay marriage, Shirley said: 'The Lord Almighty will strike down and punish that country with viscious fury, and I for one cannot wait.
She added: 'The process is already very much in full swing - did you not watch the budget speech on Wednesday?'