George Osborne is receiving heavy praise from Londoners this week following Wednesday's widely anticipated budget speech. The chancellor has promised £1million to pay for the capital’s second air ambulance, meaning 400 more patients can be reached yearly.
‘It’s shiny, red and has a pretty f*****g awesome chassis. How do you like them apples, Birmingham?’ Gloated Mayor Boris Johnson today. ‘We’ll be flying our injured in some serious style. The experience of riding in this bad boy will be enough to bring anyone out of a coma. I did try pushing George for our own inner-city airliner, but he said he didn’t want to take the piss, and reckons they’re pretty hard to get hold of these days anyway. Maybe next year’.
Many outside the capital have questioned the decision, claiming that the free helicopter is another sign of the Tory government pandering to London’s wealthy elite.
‘They can come and look at it if they want’, added Johnson. ‘They can’t use it, though. If they visit and happen to suffer a serious head injury of some description, which is likely given their tendency to laze around and drink too much, they can just wobble on foot to the nearest Boots or something’.
Wales Air Ambulance Service pilot, James Morgan, said: ‘We’re all so very pleased for London – they’ve had a tough year, what with that God awful flood disaster near-miss thingy-ma-jig. I’m especially happy for Boris – he looks absolutely delighted with the gift.
He added: ‘I really, really, really hope he gets to use it one day’.