The use of pioneering new quantum goal-line technology developed by the Schrodinger Research Institute in Berlin has resulted in a nearly infinite level of confusion in the German amateur league where it is being trialled.
Following a local derby between Wiesbaden and Mainz in which the score was deemed to be both 784,589,358,894 to 8,099,233,345 and 0-0 at the same time, as well as every single possible combination of scores in-between, the league table has assumed a quantum critical mass and can now only be understood by research physicists from the CERN Establishment, who have been drafted in to replace the elderly gentleman from Munich, called Gunther, who has previously worked out the tables for the last thirty-five years.
Despite the criticism, which has included death threats from local players, fans and bookmakers, who have lost a fortune on bets after every player on each team was deemed to have simultaneously scored first, last and kept a clean sheet, the Schrodinger Research Institute has maintained that the technology is working perfectly and that the flaw lies in the inability of humans to properly perceive reality on a multi-dimensional quantum basis.
"Sure, these people are angry at the moment," said Professor Walter Frentzen, from the Schrodinger Research Institute, "but the potential that this machine has to benefit mankind is almost unimaginable. With this breakthrough in technology, we can peer into the unfathomable mysteries of the space/time continuum, unlock the secrets of the universe and bring us all into a more harmonious understanding with the ways and wonders of the infinite. When the local football supporters realise this, I'm sure they will appreciate what we have achieved and that it is more important than a silly old football league table."
"Will we fuck appreciate that," replied the local football supporters asosciation, in a brief statement delivered this afternoon.
Although the technology is a long way off ever being introduced in the Premier League, Fulham have expressed a keen interest in it being installed immediately in an attempt to ease their relegation woes. However, even with a potentially infinite number of combinations of goals and match wins available if the technology were to be introduced, Fulham supporters remain very much of the opinion that they are still highly unlikely to score again before the end of the current season.
