UK TV broadcaster Channel 4 has begun the process of a massive revamp in a bid to regain its former 'anarchistic' credentials.
'The channel has always tried to be part of the anti-establishment, but we noticed that our output has become quite mainstream these days,' said channel head David Abraham. 'We're going to have to try and differentiate ourselves again, so whilst we're happy to keep Brand's outrageous looks, plagiarised from his sister Jo, we're going to stop broadcasting Ponderland as it's becoming far too populist.'
'His inventively verbose monologues used to be full of lyrical references to unicorns, drugs and outlandish sexual innuendo,' said Abraham, 'but since he got married he just talks about how easy it can be to spend lots of money in IKEA and chats amiably about his plans to give his offspring sensible, thoughtful names like 'Jeffrey' and 'Harriet'.'
The shakeup comes on the back of a creative revamp, partly prompted by the axing of the previously radical show 'Big Brother', which will also see an overhaul of its news and current affairs programming. 'We're getting rid of Jon Snow as we've managed to poach Jeremy Kyle from ITV to become our main news anchor, or 'news wanker' as he'll become known,' said Abraham. 'We're sure he'll be able to put his distinctively vitriolic spin on the day's stories.'
'We're also bringing back The Tube, but so far the dangerously fierce comedian Frankie Boyle has rejected our approaches to host it,' he continued. 'To be honest I think he's too likeable and well-versed in television to be much use anyway -- we need someone raw and untalented, with low interpersonal skills and a poor ability to adapt to the unpredictable nature of working with real people to really make the show as edgy and uncoordinated as it used to be. I hear Gordon Brown is free these days.'