The organisers of the St Patrick's Day parade in the town of Little Chute, Wisconsin, have voted overwhelmingly to remove all references to Ireland from the parade and to ban Irish people from attending as they "do not comply with the marketing image of the event."
"We are trying to promote the image of a clean, sober, peaceful event that is suitable for all the family," said parade Grand Marshall, Eric Farnsdale, "and having Irish people associated with the parade would, obviously, totally destroy that image. Quite frankly, the sooner that the Irish connection is removed from St Patrick's Day, the more profitable it will be for all of us."
The move was initially greeted with shock by the local Irish community, as they had previously been completely unaware that the town actually held an annual St. Patrick's Day parade, but has now been broadly welcomed by them as a positive step in Irish-American relations.
"Thank God they're finally starting to leave us alone," said Francis Sheehy, who moved to America from Wexford eight years ago. "Hopefully they'll stop all this rubbish about claiming Irish heritage now."
The problem of Americans with no apparent connection to Ireland acting as if they were born in a field of shamrock in Connemara with a harp in their hands has become a real problem in recent years, and has led to a cooling in the relationship between the two nations.
"Basically, we don't care if your great-grandmother's cousin twice removed was married to one of the O'Reillys from Ballycullen", continued Sheehy. "The fact is, as far as we're concerned, you're not Irish, you're a f**king stupid, fat, loud-mouthed, annoying Yank, so you can just drop off all your money at Dublin airport and then p**s off back home."
