The shock home defeat by Hungary has left many English Quidditch fans distraught, but one small group were delighted. For Fleet Street's sports columnists, this was probably the greatest day in the history of competitive games.
Matthew Norman, the half man half desk moanataur who is inexplicably employed to sneer at the efforts of all professional athletes, was beside himself with glee at the demise of the England Quidditch team. "Harry Potter has never justified a place in this team," said Norman, who called for more north Londoners to be picked, before started a long rambling anecdote about himself and something he said to Howard Jacobsen
Piers Morgan went further, and called for Potter be sacked and replaced by a suitable celebrity. "Potter is a Prat," tweeted Morgan, "It's time for this goggle eyed nerd to naff off," he continued. "He should man up. And be more confident."
Meanwhile, Simon Barnes of The Times likened Potter's demise to that of an obscure character in a book nobody is likely to have read. Martin Samuel of the Daily Mail skilfully filleted Potter and went on the suggest that the England Quidditch team has been rotting from the head down for some time. The Sun's backpage headline summed up the national newspapers' mood most succinctly on England's day of shame: "Quiddy fiddlers".
Taxi driver Dave Barber, whose job is to drive the aggrievance of hacks to the nearest pub after every international sporting occasion, said he's never seen Fleet Street's finest is such a buoyant mood. "The collective noun for Fleet Street hacks might be an aggrievance, but today they seemed to be ecstatic," said Barber. "Nothing makes them happier than seeing honest hardworking professionals getting a kick in and today's result was something they can only have dreamed of."