'The UK has lagged behind the US in terms of superhero training,' said a government minister today. 'We've had quite a lot of success at the bacterial level, and with MRSA and C.diff creation we're regarded as the world leader, especially with the publicly funded factories run for us by the NHS, but we haven't quite managed to produce a UK equivalent of Captain America yet.' Commentators did recall early attempts to create a UK superhero, Brian Williams, in the Seventies but acknowledged that didn't work as planned. 'His first task, to fix the economy, was probably a bit challenging. He'd go in, put everything right using his superpowers, but by the time he got back home to have his tea the government had messed it all up again. Eventually he was so disenchanted with life he got a job as a teacher and didn't complain ever again, that's how bad it was,' said one leading commentator.
The UK has been trying to breed superheroes for nearly sixty years, it was noted. The government spokesman pointed out that, 'we've happily allowed radiation to leak out of Sellafield for generations but instead of spontaneously creating a superhero it just seems to create clusters of nasty cancers instead. At least with gaining Academy status we might be able to build on our previous programmes and create a truly super-human Brit.' It was noted that age, ethnicity or disability was not necessarily a barrier to entry to the scheme but entry was strictly limited to UK citizens. And EU residents. And anyone with a work or student visa. Visas for anyone not holding one can be arranged.