The Russian Army has admitted that the 'invasion force' in Crimea is in fact a last minute spring-break booking by the 25000 strong 3rd Army Division.
"Despite the size of formation, we are very close knit", confided spokesman and holiday coordinator Captain Lev Yeterinsky," and it is not uncommon for Russian army units to vacation 'en masse' : it also makes the paper work simpler"
Captain Yeterinsky continued
"For the last five years we have had two weeks with Mrs. Dorothy Wainthrop at the Sunnylands Guest House on Morecambe sea-front - lovely lady, does a superb full English. But she's decided to retire, and last year we got a shedload of flak for the chaos we caused with 750 APCs and a full tank regiment occupying the Tesco car park for a fortnight. So a change was in order"
"We tried to get ourselves booked into Cyprus, but Akrotiri was taken by the UK forces, and Cuba has been ruled out since the Yanks really fucked up Guantanamo Bay with their bloody Butlins-style development"
"Some joker suggested Kabul again, and we almost had a mutiny. Twat"
A number of the military vacationers had expressed an interest in Brighton but Captain Yeterinsky had to put his foot down. "The boss was dead against that".
"We were at a real loss until the boss suggested we try Yalta. Calls were made, deposits changed hands and ... here we are"
However there have been murmurs of discontent about the facilities.
"Quite frankly, the beach is rubbish, you can't find a decent stick of rock for love nor money, and the local fish and chips are rank".
Criticism has also been levelled at the entertainment.
"It's pretty difficult to get excited by a Who's Got The Biggest Flag parade, the Silly Hat competition got way too daft, and for some reason all the pedalos were covered with mattresses. However this referendum-thingy might get interesting"
"But at the end of the day, we're Russian, we're used to hardship. Yalta might not be Morecambe, but I'm sure we will cope"
Captain Yeterinsky also confided that whilst this break was a little disappointing, they are all looking forwards to the beginning of June, when the entire 17th Army Group are due their annual three-week vacation.
"It looks like we've got a major East European road trip organised - awesome !"