The UK Independence Party have been sent into a tailspin by a sudden outbreak of world peace, with everyone being nice to each other and letting go of their grievances. First news of the development was heard early this morning, with Binyamin Netanyahu reportedly phoning Mahmoud Abbas in the occupied territories and telling him 'It's a bit of a fuss about nothing, really, isn't it, all this "promised land" business'. He also asked Abbas if he could get the leaders of Hamas on the phone and 'see if they wanted to come for a fag and a pint' in Tel Aviv. From there, things progressed quickly, with Vladimir Putin saying that Ukraine could remain independent, but only as long as they adopted an 'homosexuals only' shortlist for the new Presidential elections. Yulia Tymoshenko was only too happy to demur to the condition, saying 'I'd be a bit rubbish anyway. Why not give someone else a go?' By mid afternoon, the fever had spread to the streets of Britain, where EDF activists were to be seen dancing arm in arm with radical Muslim clerics, skipping down the streets in pairs and singing 'Imagine' to a bad acoustic guitar accompaniment which no-one minded a bit. The only people apparently unaffected were UKIP activists, who could be seen openly wailing, rending shirts and gnashing their teeth. Some pleaded with middle class Tories to abjure the EU and regard them as smelly, garlic eating foes, only to be met with the repeated response, 'No, we think it's rather a good idea actually. Very friendly and communal', before going off to play with some particularly soft kittens. Others led the lowly paid to the houses of unemployed immigrants on housing benefit and asked them if it was fair that they should subsidise their lifestyle, only to be told, 'Yes, actually, because if we lose our jobs and they get jobs themselves, then it will be the other way round. That way everyone pulls for everyone else and no one is left out, no matter what creed or colour they are. We like it that way.' Latest reports have come in saying that Nigel Farage is on suicide watch, and is being observed by a crack team of Brussels bureaucrats who jetted in as soon as they heard, expressing a solicitous regard for his well-being. Doctors have been puzzled by the phenomenon of niceness, but noted that it was possibly a temporary aberration, renewing UKIP's hopes in the upcoming European elections.
World Peace breaks out - UKIP furious
(3 posts) (2 voices)
I can underatnd an outbreak of peace throwing political parties generally into a spin, but why UKIP pariculalry? I thought UKIP wanted less involvment in international politics (i.e., conflict), not more.
UKIP thrive on the withdrawal of government, certainly, but they need something to take it's place, hence their divide and conquer mentality. Less government means less redress against corporate power, so scapegoats must be set up - blame the EU, blame the immigrants, blame the politicians.
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