Renowned US Neo-Con "news" journalist Donna Undblitzen calls for dramatic military intervention following the loss of the Malaysian airliner.
"If there is evidence to suggest that the sea is in some way responsible for claiming these lives", said Undblitzen on her weekly "Donna Gets Saucy" show, "then it's time that we showed it who is boss".
"It seems to think it has the right to come onto land and take whatever it wants. Well no more. We need to get US boots on the ground and show it that it can't mess with Uncle Sam like this."
Undblitzen continued, "The sea has close links to Iraq and the regime of Saddam Hussein, and it continues to support terrorism in Somalia and Sudan. Well this time it has gone too far, reaching out into the air to pull down an aircraft full of innocent people. Obumma needs to get King Neptune on the phone and tell him we aren't going to take this crap any more."
Fox News were unavailable for anything resembling sensible comment on the matter.