Bob Crow brings heaven out on strike
Heaven is staging a series of twenty-four hour stoppages after Bob Crow balloted angels over terms and conditions, according to reports.
Crow is said to be furious with God after discovering that the vast majority of supernatural entities are on zero-hour contracts and can be cast out from heaven with little or no notice.
The omnipotent deity has admitted to friends that he could be facing the biggest rebellion since the angel, formerly known as Satan, tried to tempt St Peter with a copy of Razzle.
Among the grievances of heaven’s employees are God’s plans to downsize certain clouds in order to cut costs and replace the heavenly choir with cheap foreign labour.
God told us: ‘In my defence, nowhere is safe from the cuts imposed by those shitehawks in Whitehall. Even I’m having to make savings. ‘
‘Bob Crow claims that by downsizing clouds, I’m putting his members’ lives at risk. What he neglects to mention is that they’re already dead.’
Crow is also calling for the reinstatement of harp player, Dave Williams, who was dismissed by The Almighty after refusing to work a fourteen hour shift without a tea-break.
Conservatives, however, have backed God’s money-saving measures, insisting that a Holy Trinity consisting of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost represents a serious case of over-manning.
Rightwing bastard Iain Duncan Smith said: ‘You’ve basically got three people doing the job of one man. It’s like the BBC in the 1970s.’
As of this morning a picket line is in place across the pearly gates, with newly-departed souls advised to show their support by waiting around in limbo.
Arbitration body ACAS said they were not optimistic about a speedy resolution to the conflict.
ACAS spokesman Bill Greaves said:
‘This could go on for all eternity. Will the last person to leave please turn out the lights.’
RIP Bob Crow