Pro-Putin Crimeans have been out in force today demanding that their voices be silenced forever under the grim heel of Soviet-style autocracy.
Many have been taping their own phone calls and handing them in to the Russian authorities, while others have voluntarily booked themselves onto the train to Siberia, hoping to find work.
Crimean newspapers and TV stations have merged into one monstrous official portal in anticipation of government takeover.
"We're really feeling overwhelmed", said one KGB agent. "Demand for our services has gone through the roof - I'm not sure how we're going to keep up."
"It's getting hard for us secret police to remain secret anymore - once word gets round, you're inundated with people requesting you to detain them without charge or falsify evidence against them."
In the region's capital, thousands of people took to the streets to demanded immediate surpression in an unprecedented demonstration. However, the march ended in violence when the everyone fired shots at themselves and fled for their lives.
