David Cameron - posh twat
Nick Clegg - useless spineless unpricipled posh twat
Ed Milliband - useless spineless vaguely pricipled but terminally pussy whipped by his spin doctors....erm....twat.
Nigel Farage - dangerously entertaining twat
Alec Salmond - Scottish twat (who might not actually be a twat but does a good impression of a twat)
Conservative party - twats pure and simple.
Lib Dems - Massive twats
Labour - decent ordinary people who care desperately about the future of this country and dont want to hand over the health, education and jobs of ordinary people to greedy, corporate....oh fuck it, kept it going as long as I could....more twats.
Ukip - have crossed the twat event horizon to become vaguely noble and cool ...like the guy with can of tennants in the shopping precinct singing "i am what I am " in passionate If cracked vibrato to the cashpoint outside Clintons Cards then weeing lavishly into the stairwell (from the 4th floor)
Scots Nats - our Ambassador to the Court of St James is "Big Doogie" from Easterhouse and he'll be round the next Tuesday to have a wee word aboot the North Sea Oil revenues. Tenners is good. Nae fivers or hooky twenties. And dont try sending wee Govey back, he's your fuckin problem the now.