Eric Oldroyd from Tadcaster was given a six month suspended prison term and a one thousand pound fine earlier today, after being convicted at Marylebone Magistrates Court on multiple counts of 'Being friendly to strangers on the Tube'.
Smelling strongly of black pudding and speaking only to confirm his name and address the defendant entered a plea of 'not guilty' before prosecution barrister, Justin Bulstrode, outlined the charges. A shocked court listened almost in disbelief as Mr Bulstrode told how Oldroyd had greeted one man, who was a complete stranger with, "Ay oop, lad, lovely day like," before going on to smile at two women and saying "Hello missus, 'appen it's turned out reet nice again, in't it?" to a third. The prosecution confirmed that all three women were also complete strangers at the time of the offences.
The former champion pigeon-fancier and leek-grower was brought to book after Police had received numerous complaints relating to 'a person unknown' who was still being friendly almost two years after the Olympic feel good factor had vanished without a trace. PC Alan Molloy, posed undercover as an ordinary traveler on the Central Line, scene of many of the offences, and nabbed his man when unwittingly Oldroyd said to him, "No, no. After thee lad," before standing back and allowing the officer off a train before him.
"Soon as he did that I knew we had our man. He stuck out like a sore thumb," PC Molloy told BBC London after the hearing.
Rejecting the plea and passing sentence, Chairman of the bench, William Kirk, warned Oldroyd to never so much as even look at a Tube traveller ever again or he would face immediate custody.