A weighty issue has arisen in Westminster as the Obesity Bill receives its second reading today following a Labour amendment temporarily to rename the second chamber. The move is intended to encourage fewer fatties in the house and to set a fine example to the public at large. The new name would be the House of Lards and would endure for the lifetime of the next parliament. The so-called "Fatty Bill", if enacted, is intended not only achieve its primary aim of seeing the end of school meals for kids who are already clearly too fat and the end of tuck-shops within 100 yards of school gates but will also now confine portly peers to dining away from the temptations offered by the several restaurants and bars in the House. Instead, overweight peers will be required to bring their own sandwiches and be confined to consuming them away from public gaze, in a purpose-built "Lardy Zone" on the river terrace.
The Commons and MPs are likely to remain unaffected although Eric Pickles is understood to have turned down a proposed peerage.