In a landmark moment in the changing relationship between the Labour Party and the Trade Unions, it's emerged that Ed Milliband has had each leader of the main Unions beheaded, after which he proceeded to drink blood from their skulls. A statement issued earlier today said that the move had been taken in order to 'stamp his authority over the Trade Union movement and curtail any threats to his leadership from that quarter'. After the blood drinking had taken place, Milliband is said to have chopped the bodies of each man and woman up personally and thrown them into shark infested waters. But the Conservative Party have remained unimpressed, with chairman and shape-shifter Grant Shapps retorting, 'this is exactly the kind of weak leadership we have come to expect from Ed Milliband. Having imbibed their blood, we can be sure that 'Red Ed' will now have 'Red Len' and the others coursing through his veins. This will doubtless inform every decision he makes from now on.' He also criticised the decision to throw them to the sharks, claiming that 'Union remains' would get into the food chain and create a 'Red Sea'. 'Because of Labour, our shorelines will be infected with Marxist offal, which could end up in the fish that we feed to our children. It's a blatant attempt by the Unions to infect the young with lefty ideas and we in the Conservative Party think the people of Britain deserve better than the weak indulgence of these hardline Stalinist scumbags'. Bob Crow was asked to comment but was unable to, because he was 'dead'.
Milliband beheads union leaders - Shapps bemoans 'weak leadership'
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Grant Shapps (if that is his real name) is just plain weird.
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