Nigel Farage has declared that the West Sussex town of Bognor Regis will have its name changed to Bogdan Regis over his dead body!
Looking clearly shaken by the news he told the press, "This is just madness. The Council has said that in a gesture of welcome and chumminess, and to extend a hand of friendship to the influx Eastern European immigrants, then it's only right and proper that they see a familiar sounding name when they arrive in England and therefore the town will change its name to Bogdan Regis from next January. However make no mistake, there is no way UKIP will stand by and see our national identity ridden over roughshod in this way. What about our great traditions. Magna Carta and so on. Did she die in vain?"
But Bognor's newly appointed head of the Town Planning, Councilor Igor Vidic, has hit back at Mr Farage. Speaking on this evening's news on BBC South he said, "He eez seellee mans and he not is knowink what he talkings about. Bogdan Regis sounding goot, yes? Bognor Regis eez just funny ha-ha! And eez meanink nothings. Bognor? This bonkers name. And another theeng mister Nigel, he not eez even knowing that he say Tony Hancock joke. He think is real heestory! Pfft! What seellee mans! Goodbye and thank yous."