The betting market for "Next England captain" is very volatile this week following the sacking of Steven Gerrard amid FA fears of being branded racist for appointing the best man for the job.
A spokesman for that bookmaking firm who seemed to have a fetish for seeing Palmer naked in commercials said, "We have seen unbelievable amounts of money in this market this week, partly because of our offer of a full refund on losing bets if the new captain's skin is considered too light. Ashley Cole was the early favourite, as an elder statesman who is actually still playing, but most punters considered shooting people at the training ground to be a step too far, even for a black man. Then there was some money for Laurie Cunningham, who some punters were convinced was a dead cert, and Niall Ranger (with money back if he is found guilty of the rape charge), and a few thick people latched on to Wayne Rooney, who was considered an England captain in waiting but is now not qualified. For the last few hours all the money has been for Palmer, who has played for England and has a clean image having spent much time under water in the bath in our commercials." Sol Campbell is not thought to be in the running due to his s**t leadership skills and disloyalty which earned him the nickname "Judas"
Latest odds 7/4 Carlton Palmer 5/2 Clyde Best 4/1 Theo Walcott 6/1 Ashley Cole 8/1 Laurie Cunningham, Nelson Mandela 10/1 Niall Ranger 14/1 Wayne Rooney 16/1 Any other named black man. 125/1 Any other named white man.