David Cameron, the coalition Prime Minister, has announced that irony is to be phased out.
‘Frankly we should have done it years ago,’ he told NewsBiscuit, suggesting that sarcasm should be taken off the Statute Book at the same time.
‘The most successful economy in the world, the United States, has managed very well without a hint of irony for decades and the second largest, China, simply doesn’t have a word for it. If we are to become a world leader again then we have to emulate the most successful economies in every way, without, obviously, copying everything they do,’ he said. ‘Plus, it is an EU mandate to remove irony from all member states before 2020, and as the only member state using irony it falls to us to take the bull by the horns,’ he said, while admitting that the UK was the only EU member state that voted against the ruling, in 2010.
When pushed for details Cameron admitted that it would have been easier to phase irony out before the advent of the internet. ‘Back then we could have just insisted that all printed dictionaries and thesauruses had to be irony free by, say, 1970, but now with online dictionaries and the multiple websites and ebooks being produced every day it is going to be a much larger task. We may have to get GCHQ to intercept all incoming emails and electronic messages from outside the UK and have any irony removed before they hit the target computer. Such action is technically illegal, but that is what GCHQ is there for. Ironically we don’t actually have the funds to implement this initiative but we can get the law on the statute book pretty quickly anyway,’ he added.