Prime Minister David Cameron has announced that the defeated England football team are to enter into coalition with Germany. Under the arrangement three England players will now join the German side although they will only be allowed to sit on the bench.
'The Anglo-German coalition represents a new kind of progressive football,' said Mr Cameron, 'it gives England a once in a lifetime opportunity to go through to the final stages of the World Cup. In return, all the Germans ask for is our undivided loyalty.’
As part of the deal England fans will now be expected to sing the German national anthem before each match, wear lederhosen for the remainder of the tournament and to drive around with little German flags attached to their cars.
To make things easy for the English, they will still be allowed to carry on shouting: ‘Eng-GER-land’ so long as the emphasis is on the ‘GER’.
‘We are delighted that the English have finally seen sense,’ said German Chancellor Angela Merkel, ‘and in return for letting them sit on the bench, the England squad have kindly agreed to wash the German kit and prepare the oranges for half time.’
The deal has already received the full support of Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg: ‘This represents a fantastic opportunity for England,’ he said, ‘admittedly, none of our players will be allowed to touch the ball or play any part in the match, but standing on the sidelines and jumping up and down is what coalition is all about.'
However, the deal has received a mixed reception from the England squad. ‘It makes little difference to me,’ said Wayne Rooney, ‘I mostly stand around doing nothing anyway.’ Meanwhile, John Terry admitted, ‘It's not exactly what we wanted. But at least it gives me the chance to try my luck with the German players' wives and girlfriends.'