Thanks chaps. Some additional lazy stereotyping in this version :
Despite not being under any kind of threat, the French Government surrendered today.
"It was all this talk of 1914, I suppose", said one minister. "Somebody said 'hey, what if the Germans or somebody attacks again?', and it was such a lovely day, we were all eating these delicious pastries, we didn't want to die, so we decided to issue our surrender. Just in case".
Angela Merkel criticised the French for issuing a pre-emptive surrender, which she said was ‘against the Geneva Convention’. “This is very poor planning. Normally we would liaise with the Italians over the correct date for them to change sides, but if the surrender comes before hostilities begin, how can we plan? My OCD has really flared up now”.
Barack Obama expressed his support for the French cause, but said that he would
be unable to help personally as “ . . . I’m on my second term, so it will be the next President, or perhaps the one after that, who will have the honor of rescuing our French comrades. Just give us a call when you can see the finishing line”.
The French Ministry of Defence has responded to the crisis by baking a special cake, and taking the afternoon off to contemplate the meaning of existence.