The Metropolitan Police Force are to buy three ‘hypothetical’ water cannons from Germany to deal with the perceived possibility of rioting on the streets of London.
Assistant Commissioner Mark Rowley admitted that despite there being no hard evidence to suggest rioting will actually take place on the streets of London in the near future, it was however a hypothetical possibility and the acquisition of imaginary water cannons was simply a precaution worth taking’.
The hypothetical cannons have been sourced from a raft of outdated ideas the Bundespolizei have had floating around since the mid 1990s but have since dismissed.
London Mayor Boris Johnson is drawing up plans to pay up to £300,000 of tax payers money to fund his hypothetical vanity project.
‘Money jolly well spent’ Boris pretended to bumble ‘much more fun than all those infernal tuck shops that are springing up on every street corner’.
‘The German ideas are all second hand....which is why we are getting them at a knock down price’ added Rowley ‘so hypothetically, if protesters were considering attacking places such as an embassy, the law courts or Downing Street we could roll out our hypothetical water cannons to deal with any imaginary situation as it unfolded had it actually happened in real life. Which in theory would make London a safer place for law abiding citizens....although hypothetically they could be in as much danger as the protestors, bearing in mind the decision to use them would be in the hands of the Police.
It only takes a handful of people to post inflammatory comments on their FaceBook page and we could hypothetically have a riot on our hands.
Yes, we know that water cannons CAN take your eyes out and blind you, that is not a hypothetical question – that is fact....which is obviously part of their attraction to the Metropolitan Police...but hypothetically it could be an electrician on his way to work or a newspaper vendor making his way home or a pensioner out walking his dog...any one of these who hasn’t had their eyes taken out by a high velocity jet of water could in theory pose a threat to public safety.
We need these cannons and we probably need them now, although admittedly it might not happen.
But in theory it could.
Met to buy ‘hypothetical’ water cannon
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The Metropolitan Police Force are to buy three ‘hypothetical’ water cannons from Germany to deal with the perceived possibility of rioting on the streets of London.Posted 5 months ago #
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