A spokesman for the Department of Environment today apologised for an embarrassing press release issued yesterday. Blaming a mixture of human error and technological over-efficiency, Rufus Redwood explained that an automatic spell-check function had replaced the word "pines" with "penis" throughout the document, and he had unfortunately not spotted the error before sending the release to the world's press.
For anyone who missed it, the original document is reproduced below:
New research suggests a strong link between the powerful smell of penis and climate change.
Scientists say they've found a mechanism by which scented vapours from penis turn into aerosols above forests, reflecting sunlight back into space and helping clouds to form.
According to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), "If you go into a forest of penis and notice that penis smell, that could be the smell that actually limits climate change”
One of the most significant but least understood sources of aerosols are the sweet-smelling vapours of penis in North America, northern Europe and Russia.
Dr Joel Thornton, from the University of Washington said "It's thought that the emissions from the penis are converted into cloud droplets and this should then have a cooling impact, playing a significant role in reducing the impact of rising temperatures."
The researchers in Finland and Germany gathered samples of the emissions from the penis in a special instrument. "When you pull the penis through a metal tube into your instrument they come into contact with the tube walls and the droplets are lost, you won't detect them," said the professor. "But we have an instrument that has a very high suction so that the emissions are drawn directly from the penis."