Shares in Rymans jumped 40% yesterday after a man wearing plastic trousers and clutching a miniature llama bought six Brother FAXT104U1 fax machines at a branch in Liverpool Street, sparking rumours of a developing trend.
'Artisan Thermoprinting is where Retro meets Now' said Julius Collins, founder of artists' commune 'For Fax Sake' and regular ironic purchaser of lumps of obsolete technology. 'A faxed image hovers transiently between the fleeting existence of a phone call and the permanence of a text message - a perfect metaphor for our liminal times.'
Starting from just £500, members of Shoreditch's Premier Cooperative for New/Old Media will doodle a fax and send it to the number of your choice. 'But it has to be received on real fax paper' said Mr Collins. 'If we discover you've printed it from a pc we demand compensation - that is our artistic licence'.
The coop has orders from major dealers, most wishing to remain anonymous. A well-know TV chef has possibly commissioned a piece called '100 sheets of A4, reading 'Hope you fuck off and die you violent old bastard' as a present for a gallery owner, and the Chapman brothers may have requested 'Our Cock and Balls' as a present for all their fax-owning friends. 'My lips are sealed' said Mr Collins, but all I can say is it's a bugger to get pubes out of the rollers'.
In preparation for an influx of shoppers talking 'modern gibberish', staff in stationery shops across London have received handbooks on how to spot a hipster, and what to say to them. 'I don't understand why I have to say 'future vintage' instead of 'new' said the lady behind the counter in Lorimers, Carshalton Beeches, 'but I'll happily take their money. All we have to do now is think of a future vintage use for tippex and we'll be millionaires. I wonder if kids these days still sniff it?'