In an ongoing effort to reduce the UK budget deficit, the Coalition Government today unveiled the 'Sponsored Funeral' scheme. A plan that, they say, could halve the current £623m expenditure that is spent yearly on low income families unable to cope with funeral costs. The news comes after a beloved mother of two, Karen Lloyd, received national media attention for her burial inside a coffin bearing a coffee chain's, Costa™, logo.
The scheme will aim to utilise the currently untapped marketing potential of funerals. It's generally thought that a woman in her eighties will often mean four generations of people grieving by her open casket. This means a funeral could potentially draw a large demographic, a demographic that is hard to equal on other marketing platforms. The Government hopes this will encourage businesses to begin subsiding 'Funeral Payments', which currently comes out of the Department for Work and Pension's (DWP) 'Social Fund'.
Darren Foreman, a marketing executive for some of the world's leading brands including Coca-Cola™ and Nike™, welcomes the scheme. "It's an excellent idea", Mr. Foreman said. "Finally we have a way of accessing graveyards and churches. Would you not love for the Burger King™ to come to your funeral before your corpse is flame grilled and laid to rest? I know I would."
The Government's new initiative will also, arguably, benefit cemeteries and places of worship which economists currently say is a dying market. A poll recently revealed that the public perceive church services as dull and tedious experiences. Imagine how much this may be alleviated with the introduction of company mascots, like the Michelin Man™, to perform the sermons instead of aged vicars.
Indeed, this reporter is already looking forward to the day that Ronald McDonald™ stands at the pulpit and describe how his mother was a 'kind, caring and gentle lady who would take her sons to the park on weekends and treat them to a delicious Big Mac™ before tucking them into bed and lull them to sleep with 'Ba Da Ba Ba Ba, I'm lovin' it' in that sweet husky voice of hers.'