You have until next Sunday July 4th to come up with something using the word:
roasting
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QorbeQ
offlineMemberSelf-basting chicken 'really quite sick' say activists
The development of a new type of self-basting chicken which can survive for up-to an hour in normal oven conditions, engineered to coat itself in its own delicious juices for a nice crispy skin, is 'an abomination' say animal rights activists.
The poultry-invertebrate hybrid, originally developed in the US to provide KFC with more leg meat, inherited its heat-resistant abilities thanks to cockroach genes implanted into developing shell-bound embryos.
'We were roasting one to check that we'd cracked the previous problems of the inherently 'shitty' flavour of cockroach flesh,' said lead developer Jeff Hulme, 'but, thanks to the genetic modifications, our whole stunning, beheading, plucking and gutting process hadn't actually killed the little bugger off. It was strutting around amongst the roast potatoes for quite a while, even with the oven sitting at 200 degrees.'
The utility of such a product was immediately apparent to the researchers who set about designing further genetic changes to force the forelimbs to develop into spoon-like growths, and enhancements to give the creature a really itchy back. 'Once those new modifications were a few generations old, the self-basting multi-legged chicken was ready to try out,' said Hulme.
Despite the current wave of protests against the mutant life-form, the research team is set to approach government agencies to get it approved for food use. 'If we can get production line workers to stop vomiting at the smell of the innards, our last stumbling block will be the animal's formal identity,' said Hulme, 'but we're struggling to find an agency-agreed name that people will actually eat -- no-one is going to fancy tucking into a juicy bit of roach chicken any time soon.'
Posted 2 years ago # -
Svendo
offlineMemberRose Ting Gets a Roasting Over Her Roasting
Amateur Cook Miss Rose Ting of Braise-on-the-Broil, Suffolk, has complained to Channel 4 after foul mouthed chef Gordon Ramsey took exception to her Gasoline Roasted Badger recipe entered into this years F-Word competition. Ramsey Lambasted the 44 year old with a tyrade of swears and abuse which has left several dockers in a state of distress. Miss Ting said "I knew Gordon likes cooking with strange ingredients in fun ways and this is just a recipe I picked up after many years of camping in motorway laybys. You just get a pre-tenderised Badger carcass, pour some petrol on it, Shell Super Unleaded gives the best results, and then stand back and throw a match at it. When it doesnt smell of burned fur anymore it's generally considered done".
Gordon Ramsey hit back with "Who the F**K does she F**king think I am? F**king Hugh F**king Fearnley F**king Whittinstall. F**k off! He's a C**t. Now if you don't mind I have to go teach my toddler how to shoot a goose in the face with a 12-bore".
Posted 2 years ago # -
edward hack
offlineMemberPeppa Pig - my drug hell
Former childrens entertainer Peppa Pig has revealed for the first time how an adiction to crystal meth and crack cocaine has caused both eyes to end up on the same side of her face.
In a candid hogwarts-and-all interview for Hello magazine Peppa reveals how media specualtion concerning her health eventually forced her into seeking help.
Once the award winning presenter of flagship TV shows such as CBeebies 'Spit Roasting' and 'Dogging for Dummies' Peppa's slide into drug and alcohol abuse was particularly harrowing.
Reared in squalid conditions on a Norfolk farm, Peppa was one of 53 piglets born to an abusive Danish father and a mother struggling with BED who spent most days wallowing in her own excrement.
At the height of her fame Peppa even supported the Rolling Stones on their 2007 world tour, performing a song live in front of 200,000 for her friend Mick Jagger
But this was to be the pinnacle of Peppa's career.
Friends finally persuaded Peppa to seek help for her addiction or the next time she was on stage with Mick Jagger it could be as a thong supporting Keith Richards genitals on the Stones next world tour.I ran out of ideas here.......I can't go on. Can somebody else take up the story.
Posted 2 years ago # -
la maga
offlineMemberComedic researchers have discovered that the word 'roasting' in a comedic or satirical context is what is known as a 'Noel Edmunds', that is, something devoid of all entertainment value and likely to produce only feelings of disgust in those who encounter it. The seven-year, twenty-million pound research program culminated in an experiment on the satirical website 'Newsbiscuit', in which the nation's top amateur comedy writers were challenged to make the word really funny. "There was a lot of skill arrayed against the word," said the Editor of the website afterwards, "But even this lot couldn't crack it. The best they managed was a faint twitch of the lips from a secretary in Ipswich."
The results of the report, which was funded by the taxpayer, are to be presented to a parliamentary committee for scrutiny. "I think they're going to ask about how much it cost," said one of the scientists involved nervously. "We could be in for a good old grilling. Sorry, roasting. Is that funny? No? Thank god. We wouldn't want to disprove the theory at this point."
Posted 2 years ago #
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