Detective Allan Johnson of the West Midlands Police expressed his force's gratitude today to Perry Barr Forensic Scientist Warwick Stokes who, after using advanced scientific insect analysis to identify the killers of a glamorous assistant during a daring raid on her family's kebab shop, shot and killed the perpetrators as they divided the loot.
A member of the gang had inadvertently stood on a dung beetle which is extinct apart from a colony in a cow field near a set of council flats in Wolverhampton. PBFS Stokes, a world renowned expert on the consumption of shit, recognised the dead insect straight away from the fancy pattern on his cuticle. Realising that time was of the essence he drew his Colt 45, fired up his Humvee and raced down the A41 to tackle the perps.
Despite being temporarily delayed by heavy traffic on the Black Country New Road roundabout he still got there in time to kill all 5 members of the gang in a tense but exciting shoot out. DCI Johnson, whose team arrived on the scene some 30 minutes later expressed his surprise at PBFS Stokes initiative. "Normally they just submit a vague report about the cause of death and even that takes them two weeks" he said.