Intelligence agencies have tipped off the PM that nearly all the irritating smug bastards in the country have gathered together near Glastonbury for some sort of rally. David Cameron is being urged to take swift action and order an air-strike to take them all out for the good of the country.
This would be a much needed popular move after the weeks tough budget. And would mean never having to hear phrases such as 'oh you didn’t go to Glasto’ and 'we were all stoned in a teepee’. Various groups such as the Middle-aged middle-class mussos (or 3M), the weekend Hippies (with their children.. and nanny) and the Trustafarians (rich kids pretending to be poor kids) have gathered together in a 1960s open-air festival style theme-park.
There have been no drug arrests so far this year but rumours abound of groups of IBM middle managers all having a puff of what they were reliably informed was a 'spliff' ! One woman whose husband (a city banker) spent ten thousand pounds to stay in a yurt was overheard complaining ‘well I don’t think they put up with Chablis this warm at Woodstock’.
Simon Cowell was rumoured to be working on a new show ‘Glast-Factor’ but his production company considered the festival far too commercial and mainstream.