According to recent reports, Chris Ramsden, 38, has become the first ever victim of a collective killing by people wound up by his comments on Facebook. Ramsden, who has been described by family and friends as 'a self-righteous twat with a pathological need to come across as more concerned than anyone else', had apparently annoyed over 100 people, most of whom had never met him, by relentlessly harping on about Syria into unrelated threads.
'It began when I reposted an article from the Telegraph about an old couple who had their seafront house in Cornwall ruined in the storms last week,' said Jessica Wade, 32, who accepted Ramsden as a Facebook friend after working with him briefly five years ago. 'A few others 'liked' the comment and some added in along the lines of 'I know, babes, just terrible' and 'My heart goes out those who've been flooded/stormed'.
At this point, Ramsden posted a 500 word diatribe about how this hardly compared with the fate of the people of Homs, who have seen their city bombed to oblivion while the world watches and does nothing. Over the next few days, Ramsden also added lengthy pieces about the situation in Syria to threads on youth unemployment, a 15-year-old daughter's GCSE prospects and Norwich City's slide towards relegation.
'It all came to a head when my friend Natalie posted that she was making coffee but was out of chocolate digestives and how Rich Tea would have to do so,' said Wade. 'Within 30 seconds, in came Chris with 'Well I'm sure the people of Homs, choking on Sarin and the tears they shed for their dead brothers and sisters would love Rich Tea biscuits'. At this point, I emailed all of the Facebook friends we shared and asked them all to tell him to shut the fuck up about Syria.'
Ramsden's last post - 'Some people want me to shut the fuck up about Syria. Perhaps they should be grateful for the freedom to talk about Syria, unlike the poor people living there' - received no comments. However, according to rumours swirling online, he was later overpowered, tied up, anaesthetised, had a picture of the Prophet Muhammad eating a bacon sandwich tattooed on his arse, put on a cargo plane and dumped naked at a crossroads outside Homs. He has yet to comment on whether the people of Syria would be glad of this.
[From original idea by Mr Target. Meant to be the start of a collective effort. Fire away, you have until 3.30...!]