In a move of breathtaking brilliance, the Community Secretary Eric Pickles today put down his pie and announced the initiative to save the Thames Valley from further flood damage.
'The Environment Agency will henceforth direct their hoses down the Channel Tunnel'. He went on to explain that specialist pumping gear is being lifted into place to divert excess waters direct from the Thames down the hole used for the Eurostar at Waterloo.
'While we are at it, the next Tube Strike won't matter either'.
<more soon if I can summon the effort before the edit window shuts>