A furious row broke out in the media last night, over whether an event was a Spring or a Gate.
The event, a scandal involving a popular uprising by some horny handed sons of toil, has polarised hacks. Some have dubbed it Garden Gate. Others insist that its the Gardener's Spring.
In one camp, there are the traditionalists who insist every scandal must be suffixed by the word Gate. In the other camp, a group of radical modernists insist that all popular uprisings must be described as a Spring.
The Gate camp say scandals have always been done this way. But the Spring camp are insisting that it's time for change and that these days scandals have much less news value than a popular uprising. "I'm sorry, Grandad, but this incident is a spring and nothing can change my mind," said one blogger. However, a newspaper chief sub hit back at the scandal deniers: "Well, you would say that wouldn't you?"
The controversy over whether Spring beats Gate has turned sub editor against content editor, headline writer against search engine optimiser. In some families, sons no longer talk to their mothers, and daughters are giving their fathers the cold shoulder.
The Spring versus Gate conflict isn't just about suffixes, however. It goes much deeper than that, with controversy raging over which pop psychologist should be paid to interpret the misplaced anger. Traditionally Fleet Street turned to Dr Cary Cooper of Manchester University for his trite explanation of the psychological factors that influenced characters in a Gate scandal. However, Spring uprisings are typically reported through the prism of TV's Dr Linda Popadopoulos.
Last night negotiators were trying to produce a peaceful compromise, so that the event would be dubbed neither a Spring or a Gate, but an iconic moment, that could fill several olympic swimming pools the size of Wembley Stadium, in an area the size of Wales.